I haven’t always been like a boss. I came from a broken home. I was born out of wedlock, but it went further back than just my mother and father. Great evil stretched back to many generations before me. Some of the stories I have heard, if they happened today would result in United Nations committees and U.N. Peacekeepers being deployed. My situation as a child was what pushed me into sports. Relationships that would normally be used as a tool for happiness instead of Jesus were not here. Some were, but most were not. I pray in thanksgiving every day for that.
My relationships did not make me happy, so I attempted to find happiness in school and sports. At a young age I played sports year round (mostly baseball), not in any extended time have I not played sports since when I first started. My relationships also pushed me, out of fear, to be scholastically excellent. Without top grades, I felt there would be no love. Both grades and athletics came naturally and quickly.
Like a Boss
I wasn’t a friend with many of the students at my elementary school because I did not play sports or do any other recreational activity with them. And, because of that I was not experience in being popular at all. I was bullied as a kid—even for being the largest kid in my school. The brotherhood that I surrounded myself with was really with the kids that I lived close to at my dad’s place, the boys I played ball with everyday. That changed when I went to high school.
Once I was in high school, I was playing football, wrestling, basketball, baseball, and track & field. I soon became a varsity athlete. That afforded me popularity that was quite unprecedented to me. I had no idea how to handle being awesome.
My new brotherhood that surrounded me was now a group of guys that were popular at school. I became super fly. My usual week was school, practice, hang out, and then party on Fridays after the game, and all day Saturday.
Drinking You Under the Table
Before I was in high school I learned how to drink. When I went to my first party I had this talent. I used this talent. I use this talent to drink my friends under the table. This led me to trying to find happiness in partying alongside sports. Not only was I a varsity athlete, I was fun to drink with. I assume for this reason, or the fact that I was broken and mistrusted women, I endeared myself to the girls. Mostly because I am the most none charming man I’ve ever met.
The girls, beautiful and popular girls, afforded me another means to my end, happiness. Though the relationships may have been chaste, they were not always pure. I used them as objects for my own self-gratification by, first, making me feel like a man and second having a girlfriend afforded me more popularity.
I played football all four years of high school, but after my junior year my team was invited to go to a camp at my alma mater. At the end, I was given awards and asked to send footage of me playing next season. The coaches would at least let me walk on and try for a scholarship after I had worked with the team. At the end of my senior football season, I started talking to the coaches. Being somewhat stubborn and stiff necked: I decided not to play football in college. The reason was I hated the strength coach for the football team. Dumb reason and I was a punk back then. Though it was probably providence.
Pike, Iron, and Rugby
So, the first semester of school I did not play football. So, being a party monger in high school I looked for the big parties in college to bring me happiness again. This is where I met my best friend, Beau, and the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, or Pike’s for short, at my alma mater. They were the largest frat and they also had the best rages. Every night was beer pong, a kick back, or a huge rage. And, having no counter to the rage scene, I quickly started going out 4-6 times a week. Usually going through the weekend. The one thing I did athletically was go to the gym almost everyday. The Pike’s also had a power lifting team, so partying with them and also saw them in the gym everyday. They influenced me a lot that first year. For logistics’ reasons I did not get a bid.
Another Broken Family
The next semester I came back and I found out that Pike lost their charter at my school. Nevertheless, those guys were my brothers; so being loyal, I still hung out with them when I came back. The frat split up into different cliques, I stayed with the athletes in the frat. We turned into a rugby group and while the other cliques partied less, the rugby clique still raged five to seven nights a week and drank all day during tournaments. I did this through me entire second semester.
At the end of that semester, I realized I still was not happy. The parties, the sports, and the women were a good attempt at happiness. Just not great.