Become a Basic Catholic in 1 Week

I’m tired.

No, last night I slept fine, but people have taken the life out of me.

By people, of course I mean Catholics, those that are supposed to know better. Instead of just sitting and complaining I’ll spit some to explain or re-explain how a Catholic person ought/should/can behaves.

This article starts a new chapter in this blogs life: Catholic Habits.

The foreword being I do not blame you, I really do not. I blame your teachers, you are searching. They thought it would be better not to inform you of this information as if it was optional. How is a student supposed to know the teacher didn’t teach it all to them? Students can’t, it isn’t their fault. And, Divine Judgment will come down upon those that have been otherwise lack luster in their duties. Don’t be one of them.

Basic Catholic Behavior

If you follow this short guide to become a Basic Catholic, you won’t be anything close to basic. Far from it, more like Lil Wayne, you will seem to be not a human. You’ll seem to be society’s worst enemy.

Not Basic


Let’s go on an adventure together. I can hold your hand, I can help you. When you fall, I’ll be there to pick you up and dust your back off. But, don’t be afraid to run ahead yourself and trust on the Lord. Don’t be ashamed of falling; be ashamed of quitting.

1. Sunday

“If you’re scared, go to Church.” – Ice Cube

If you’re not scared, go to Church, anyway.

You can go Saturday Vigil, but every week; do work and go to Church. You ought to go to Church, every Sunday (read: you better). This isn’t really a suggestion, we’re on an adventure to become freakin’ exceptional, to not be basic, to become something that makes us seem something like not a human (though more human than you and I am currently).

The only exception, if you are sick – please don’t put your nastiness on the chalice – or, if you are taking care of your bundle of joy!

2. Confessions

You still reading? Good, I knew you didn’t want to be basic.

You “ought” to go to confession, minimally once a year.

I recommend more often, like every time you have a mortal sin,as not to bring judgment upon yourself when you partake of the Eucharist. I go every two weeks, minimum. Though, if I am going to take Eucharist and I have a mortal sin on my soul, I’ll be at the confessional the next day.

If your parish only has confession for fifteen minutes on Saturday, put your priest’s phone number in your phone. If you need to confess a mortal sin, call him up, and tell him that you need to see him as soon as possible, you have a life and death situation. He might get upset, but you didn’t lie. Stuff like mortal sins is serious business. Don’t kid yourself.

3. Food, Eucharistic Food

This is by far the most non-human part of being Catholic.

Just say it to yourself, I eat God. Catholics through the years have been called Cannibals. We’re misunderstood to be sure, but definitely not basic. This hear will have chased most people out the door (talking about Catholics). Basic people don’t like the Eucharist, well they like to pretend they do; they just don’t like the teaching of the Eucharist.

Much better if it is just a “symbol,” but as Flannery O’Connor said, hell with it then. Catholics don’t believe it is a symbol; we die a Great Death that it is real and if someone has a problem with that…they can just turn us over because we’re done cooked on that side.

4. Fasting and Abstinence

Want to put it in the mind of others that you are not a human? Fast and abstain when our Mother tells you to.

The truth is that people can pretend with the others, they can pay lip service the others. They can go to Mass, they can confess, they can partake in the Eucharist, but hardly a pretender that doesn’t believe will sacrifice and suffer for something they do not believe is true.

Do you see basic folk mourning the death of the King by fasting on Fridays? Do you see people refrain from eating breakfast on Sunday morning before Mass? No, I don’t. What they also forget conveniently forget to do is fast and abstain during Lent and Advent (yes, Advent).

Don’t worry, being a Basic Catholic doesn’t mean that you just live in a miserable world where we can’t eat anything on Fridays and don’t eat Meat for large chunks of the year, we do put on a BA party. And, for Catholics the year is made up of about 1/4 of “party time.” What other religion sets aside a 4th of the year to party? That’s right, no one.

5. Provide

This is another area to become an all around better Catholic. There are three ways to provide for the needs of the Church, you can do this with:

  • Time
  • Talent
  • Treasure


  • Valuable Moments
  • Abilities
  • Pay Check

Most people will do one or the other. They’ll put their five bucks in on Sunday. And, denounce the others. They have money, but won’t give time and call those who do give time “lazy” and speculate that they don’t have jobs or something. We don’t play that.

Do all three and don’t talk bad about those who only do one. Suggest they give more and when they decline, dust off your Jordan’s; you ain’t basic and remember…

In the End…

There is not a lot to do to stop being a basic. Yeah, it takes grace, but with grace, we can do anything. We are not humans.

It is simple; you just have to do it. The problem it seems is that just doing it for some goes against a fault, they do not believe it…they don’t believe that this is real. They are just not willing to do it.

For now, just thank God you are not basic. And, go on the race and preserve to the end.

In what ways do you think you can become a better Catholic? Put them in the comment box.

Remember if you want to get a hold of me, hit me up on twitter @chrisorbuster.


4 thoughts on “Become a Basic Catholic in 1 Week

  1. A good post.

    A picky point. A Saturday night Mass is an anticipated Mass, not a vigil Mass. A vigil Mass has its own set of readings (think of the Easter Vigil, as opposed to Easter Sunday Mass). An anticipated Mass uses the Sunday readings.

    Also, could you give a reference to the necessity to fast during Advent? I am under the impression that, unlike the Lenten fasts of Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, and abstainance on all Lenten Fridays, Advent fasts are devotional…a good idea maybe, but not required. Fridays during the year are another matter. We are not required to abstain from meat, but are required to do some other penance if we do not. That is certainly not often observed.

    People will do well if they follow your mini-catechism!

    • Thanks for the distinction, but most parishes, missions, and Cathedrals call it a Saturday or Sunday vigil even though it has the same readings.

      Yes you are right that it is Advent is a devotional, but hardly anyone even knows it is a penitent season. And, my point of this series isn’t really to just pass the minimum, but to bring the old time religion back where Catholics made sacrifices. I understand not everyone can do all this, all the time, at 100% and I try and make that clear. Thank you though.

      I’ll have to look further into the Friday deal, but I believe that it’s a matter of your local bishops decision on the meat. I haven’t eaten meat on Friday for awhile (I was originally taught it was a day of fast). I’m not one to jump up and demand to see where it is written. If it makes sense, and seems devotional and I am able to reasonably do it…I attempt it. I tried fasting (completely) and I tried vigils. I can do them, but I am too large and I am not strong enough spiritually to do those things at the moment.

  2. Sigh. When I took my liturgy course, we were told specifically (and incorrectly, as I have come to understand) that Advent was NOT penitential. Argh. One need only read the General Instructions to see that Advent is, indeed, somewhat penitential. I believe that ‘s one of the reasons we use violet/purple for both Lent and Advent.

    You’re correct, I think, about the meat on Fridays being up to the Bishops. I believe I heard that Britain and Wales is now beginning to teach “no meat on Fridays” again. Yay.

    I can get rather demanding, regarding “Where is it written?” but usually only when I think someone is trying to find a loophole, or when I really want to know the details (such as in your writing. This was new to me! I like to do things correctly). I agree that devotions that are reasonable (to the individual and his or her situation) should be followed. I also believe that conditions for each individual can change and that we shouldn’t become scrupulous about these things. I also need to be careful that I’m not making things too easy on myself (did I say anything about scrupulosity?). In my household, not eating meat on Fridays has to be a surreptitious thing.

    BTW I have also heard that at one time Wednesdays were also held as a day of fast. I have no details, but I recall my husband mentioning it once. Have you heard of this?

    • Yes they are now requiring no meat on Fridays. It was relaxed during VII, with that the bishops could decide, but was heavily encouraged…people took this as they didn’t need it.

      I am not sure about Wednesday.

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